Kyle Fields has found another excuse to bring fake Bret Hart back, and Halloween gave him plenty to work with. This time, a bag of candy was all it took for “The Hitman” to start unloading on some very familiar names from wrestling history.
Fields took to Instagram with his latest parody, titled “Bret Hart Reviews Halloween Candy.” Instead of simply deciding which candy belongs in the trick-or-treat bag, fake Bret somehow turned almost every piece into another story about Shawn Michaels, Vince McMahon, Goldberg or somebody else he apparently still has a problem with. Things started harmlessly enough with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.
“Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups — I never got it.”
M&M’s were where things immediately went off the rails. Fake Bret had some thoughts about the red and yellow ones before casually claiming he had history with the green one.
“You know, the red one and the yellow one are gay. I hooked up with the green one in Germany.”
Then came Sugar Daddy, and naturally Fields found a way to drag Shawn Michaels into it: “Shawn used to have a sugar daddy in Portland.” Snickers somehow became another Shawn and Vince joke, with fake Bret remembering people supposedly laughing whenever the two returned from getting food together.
“You know, there were a lot of snickers when Shawn and Vince would come back from the hot dog stand sharing a footlong.”
There was absolutely no chance Fields was getting through a Bret Hart parody without mentioning Goldberg, and Hershey’s Krackel gave him the perfect setup.
“You know, I can hear my neck crackle when I was kicked by Bill Goldberg.”
Airheads went to Eric Bischoff, and fake Bret Hart wasn’t exactly handing out compliments as he called him the “dumbest, stupidest person.”
“I’ll tell you who was an airhead — Eric Bischoff. He’s gotta be the dumbest, stupidest person. You know, he legally can’t make toast.”
Then it was right back to Shawn and Vince once Dots came out, saying, “You know, it didn’t take the boys long to connect the dots with Shawn and Vince.” Fields finished things off with Starburst, which somehow became a joke about Bret getting busted open during his wrestling career.
“You know, I got juiced so many times for Vince over the years, it didn’t even matter.”
This comes just over a month after Fields imagined Bret recording Cameo videos, where Goldberg, Shawn, Vince, Cody Rhodes and Dean Malenko all ended up catching strays. Before that, he even sent his fake version of “The Hitman” to Calgary Traffic School.
At this point, Fields barely needs a setup for these things. Give fake Bret a handful of Halloween candy and somehow Goldberg is kicking him in the head again while Shawn and Vince are sharing a footlong.
Which Halloween candy joke from Kyle Fields’ latest fake Bret Hart parody got the biggest laugh out of you? Let us know what you think in the comments.
This transcript was produced exclusively for Ringside News from the original recording. Republishing the transcription in full is prohibited. When using excerpts, provide prominent credit and a link to this article.
