Still no definitive winner for the wwe championship match
It’s time for the WWE Championship match, and by god it is a barnburner. It’s 90 minutes of just really exciting nearfalls and finisher reversals. The match is so great that famed wrestling journalist and literal god Dave “Dave Meltzer” Meltzer immediately calls it the greatest match he’s ever seen. He also says that it makes the 2 out of 3 Falls match between Kenny Omega and Kazuchika Okada look like Roman Reigns v. Brock Lesnar at Wrestlemania 34. Meltzer then proceeds to rate the match ∞ Stars before it even finishes and then promptly blinds himself because nothing will ever be greater than what he just saw.
As the match is coming to its conclusion, the audience notices a flaming hoop being built near the entrance ramp. Suddenly Big Cass’s music hits, and he drives a speeding motorcycle through the flaming hoop before jumping from it like in a really cool movie scene. The motorcycle (which is now on fire), crashes into a dozen Make-a-Wish children.
Both AJ Styles and Shinsuke Nakamura are dumbfounded. Cass uses this opportunity to nail both of them with Big Boots. He points to the Money in the Bank LED sign before stomping on the dicks of both Styles and Nakamura and rendering them sterile. Cass forces the referee to count to ten and is declared the new WWE Champion. He then proceeds to hold the WWE Championship until Summerslam the next year, when he loses it to Kane in nineteen seconds.
