Ahhyessir, Money in the Bank is nearly here. Despite it being around for a fairly short time, some would already consider MITB to be on par with the Big Four PPVs. What happens at Money in the Bank could have some super duper serious consequences. It is not hyperbole to say that the eponymous contract could very well change Wrestlemania.

Of all the numerous possibilities that could occur, some are more agreeable than others. Some possibilities downright suck. But realistically, what’s the worst that could happen at Money in the Bank?

bobby roode wins the money in the bank contract

Bobby Roode is easily the least likely winner of the match. It’s amazing that he’s even in it. The Glorious One’s been on the main roster for nearly a year now, and barring an exciting but way too short reign as United States Champion, Roode doesn’t have much to show for it.

But what if, during the match, everybody is lying outside around the ring, potentially dead? And out of the ashes and the chaos rises Bobby Roode. He ascends the ladder and unhooks the briefcase. The crowd applauds and a whole lot of “Glorious” chants happen. Bobby Roode is now Mr. Money in the Bank.

Meanwhile, Brock Lesnar crawls out of his cave to defend his Universal Championship at Summerslam. After a grueling title match against Mike Kanellis (who outlasted the entire men’s roster in a 36 man elimination match), Lesnar remains Universal Champion. Suddenly, the arena goes dark, and that one piano note is heard. Bobby Roode has arrived, and he’s cashing in his Money in the Bank contract.

The bell rings, and as Roode prepares to hit Lesnar with the Glorious DDT, Brock counters and nails Bobby with an F-5 and pins him. All of this happens while Bobby Roode’s theme is still playing.

The next night, Roode basically says “aww shucks, I lost,” and Brock disappears for another five months. Bobby Roode is then released the next month.

ronda rousey accidentally knocks out nia jax

Ronda Rousey is a legitimate badass. There is no questioning that she could beat up several people if she wanted to. But what if, during her Raw Women’s Championship match against Nia Jax, she’s a little too badass?

So the match is about to happen. Crowd is into it and eating it up. The energy is simply electric. And then the bell rings.

Jax attempts to throw a punch, but Rousey dodges and counters with one of her own. Jax is now reeling and defenseless. Ronda winds up another punch and clocks Nia Jax straight in the ear. Meanwhile, Nia stumbles and collapses like a piece of uncooked spaghetti that was left standing in boiling water. The referee throws up the hand signal to call for help, because the Raw Women’s Champion is legitimately knocked out. Suddenly, Natalya’s music hits, and she rushes to the scene with the Money in the Bank contract in hand (she won the match in a record setting seven minutes after all the other women were just lying outside the ring like they normally do in a multi-woman match). She is cashing in.

Rousey then glares at her former-best-friend-now-bitter-enemy Natalya. Natalya holds up the briefcase to protect her face, but Rousey punches through the briefcase and clocks the Queen of Harts on the jaw.

The next night on Raw, Jax is stripped of the title, and then Alexa Bliss wins it again after a battle royal.

Still no definitive winner for the wwe championship match

It’s time for the WWE Championship match, and by god it is a barnburner. It’s 90 minutes of just really exciting nearfalls and finisher reversals. The match is so great that famed wrestling journalist and literal god Dave “Dave Meltzer” Meltzer immediately calls it the greatest match he’s ever seen. He also says that it makes the 2 out of 3 Falls match between Kenny Omega and Kazuchika Okada look like Roman Reigns v. Brock Lesnar at Wrestlemania 34. Meltzer then proceeds to rate the match ∞ Stars before it even finishes and then promptly blinds himself because nothing will ever be greater than what he just saw.

As the match is coming to its conclusion, the audience notices a flaming hoop being built near the entrance ramp. Suddenly Big Cass’s music hits, and he drives a speeding motorcycle through the flaming hoop before jumping from it like in a really cool movie scene. The motorcycle (which is now on fire), crashes into a dozen Make-a-Wish children.

Both AJ Styles and Shinsuke Nakamura are dumbfounded. Cass uses this opportunity to nail both of them with Big Boots. He points to the Money in the Bank LED sign before stomping on the dicks of both Styles and Nakamura and rendering them sterile. Cass forces the referee to count to ten and is declared the new WWE Champion. He then proceeds to hold the WWE Championship until Summerslam the next year, when he loses it to Kane in nineteen seconds.