40 Signs You Watch Too Much Wrestling
1. You walk into church and high five people in the pews as you walk down the aisle.
2. You purposely blade yourself while shaving.
3. Every time you see an Elvis impersonator, you ask for his autograph and get upset when it’s not signed “Honky Tonk Man”
4. You attack your friends from behind with a chair, and look around the room, waiting for crowd reaction.
5. You shake someone’s hand, you pause, and hesitate, while looking around nervously.
6. You walk up to get your diploma, and the graduation song is playing, you turn to the audience and shout “Ooooooh Yeeeaaahhh!” and snap into a Slim Jim.
7. You won’t come out of your room until your parent’s play your theme on the stereo.
8. You Leapfrog over people while playing football, then turn around, and clothesline them.
9. Every time you go to church you wait for the priest to quote something from the Book of Austin.
10. Every time you leave a room you shout, “AND THAT’S THE BOTTOM LINE, SON!”
11. Everytime you score in a game, you start doing crotch chops towards your opponent.
12. You want people to leave you alone, you feel up your chest, and deeply inhale.
13. Every time a teacher’s pet passes by your desk, you mumble “Lousy Babyface,” and stick your foot out to trip him.
14. Every time you walk past someone lying down, you feel the sudden urge to put them in a Sharpshooter.
15. Every time you come in contact with a roll of duct tape, you wrap it tightly around your wrist.
16. Your teacher gives you detention, you give them a Stone Cold Stunner and walk out of class, flashing your middle fingers.
17. You find yourself carrying a baseball bat, metal chair, and 2X4 wooden plank around with you everywhere you go.
18. You hold regularly scheduled matches with your stuffed animals, including a monthly PPV called “In Your Room.”
19. You make a Championship Belt out of cardboard, aluminum foil, and glitter and then frequently model in front of a mirror wearing it.
20. You find yourself spending hours designing ring props to bring to school to use as this years science project.
21. You are constantly telling your brothers, sisters and/or friends to eat their vitamins and say their prayers and then they can be like you.
22. As soon as someone shakes your hand, you follow with a boot to their mid-section and immediately go for an Arm-Bar Submission Hold.
23. You are always getting in trouble for trying to put a Figure Four Leg Lock on your little brother and/or sister.
24. You rent a table at the mall for the weekend and hold an autograph session.
25. You challenge the school bully, telling him he can’t beat you on his best or your worst day. This is answered by a solid punch in the nose and when all hell breaks loose, school officials rush in to break it up.
26. You took you mothers’ wig mannequin and painted “HELP ME” backwards on its forehead and carry it every place you go.
27. You have to be rushed to the ER because you swallowed the green dye you were planning on spitting in a classmates face.
28. You tell your friends you are the neighborhood “Icon” and demand their respect. They all get pissed off at you and a feud erupts.
29. You have to pay to fix the top rail you broke off the wooden deck attempting a Frog Splash onto your little brother or sister.
30. You refer to your girlfriend as your valet.
31. You spend hours teaching your dog to do a moonsault off the top of his doghouse.
32. Every time your boss tells you not to present the proper corporate image, you call him “The dumbest SOB you have ever met,” and hit him with a Stunner.
33. You wont enter a room until the lights go out and there is a fireworks display.
34. You switch schools swearing that the principal at your old one screwed you.
35. You ask you girl friend to get pumped up and master low blows.
36. You smash your mothers sewing dummy in the back with a folding chair.
37. You lay your little brother or sister on the kitchen table and do a 450 Splash off the refrigerator onto him and put him through the table.
38. You refuse to visit any family members unless you go in a lear jet and a stretch limo.
39. You want four weeks worth of video promos of you shown to anyone before you meet them for the first time.
40. You wear white face paint and a long black coat to school. You rush in and chase 15 of the meanest kids in school out of the school yard when you see them pushing three of your friends around.